Staying balanced in your feminine energy in a touring world that’s so steeped in masculine energy can definitely be a challenge. What are some ways you stay grounded in your own essence?
Being enough of who I have to be and enough of who I truly am is a balancing act I’ve spent my whole life trying to master. Eight years old is the earliest memory of feeling uncomfortable having to Act or dress like a girl. Some days I loved wearing the dress, but some days especially at church or any important function where I truly just wanted to be one of boys and climb trees with my friend TJ or my cousins… it was wrong, or I got into trouble. If I’m loud, that’s not ladylike, if I’m dirty or dangerous…that’s a boys game. And I just could not wrap my head around it. That adult/ societal expectation just did not make any logical sense. I regained my independence and androgynous freedom in 97 when we started Halestorm. Because to everyone else I was playing dress up, so they couldn’t tell me what to do or what to wear or to be quiet. Then in my 30s I went through a dark phase, where my scale tipped too much in the wrong direction. I wasn’t paying enough attention to my true nature, I was dampening my true light, and the weight of everyone’s expectations including my own of who I HAD to be now that I’ve created this monster, became too heavy to carry. But I am proud to say that I am in the sunset of that now, and in the beginning of my forties I feel like I don’t have to be anyone but me. Some days I feel like a 10 year old boy, some nights I feel like a siren, some times I just want to be the 100 year old witch that drinks mushroom tea and quietly solves all the worlds problems. But it’s ok to be all of it. There is room in the life for all of the parts and pieces of me, even the ugly ones to play in this game. And the crazy surprise of it all… you find happiness, and then everyone wants to be next to your happiness. So I never needed to be anyone else to people to like me. I just need to shine my light at its weirdest and brightest…and let the good ones come to me.
When you’re touring with your partner, it’s easy for the lines between personal and professional roles to blur. How do you stay balanced with both roles?
I’ve been in an intense and intimate love affair with my guitarist Joe Hottinger for 21 years. We were band mates first, and we both tried very hard not to fall in love with each other. We both take music very fucking seriously. I had never had anyone in my band before [ besides my little brother Arejay my drummer and co founder of Halestorm who was crazy enough to start digging this rabbit hole with me ] who was just as obsessed with this band as I was. So when the flirting got too hot to hide ( I kissed him first) we had a very serious sit down about it and said “ this is the best worst idea in the world, but we have to create a balance and a language so that we can communicate as bandmates, but also as lovers. Both pillars are important, and if one gets weaker than the other the whole house will crumble. So Joe and I wear different hats with each other. And as hard as it is, we MAKE time to be with each other in whatever capacity. We are also proud of living our own story. Not following in the footsteps of anyone else and not doing anything we don’t want to just because “that’s what you’re supposed to do in a relationship/if you love someone. Joe and I have been in love for 21 years, we have never been married, don’t plan on having children of our own, we are brutally honest with each other, we have lived multiple lifetimes together , seen each others ugly sides, helped each other reach our dreams, dug each other out of the darkness, and have lived to tell the tale. No one on earth can ever tell us our story is any less valid than theirs. We just really want to love each other. Thats our secret.
The demands of the road can take a toll on both physical and mentally. Such as…Maintaining a healthy lifestyle can be challenging with irregular schedules, constant movement, navigating the post-tour emotional crash when the dopamine drops and the endless cycles of highs and lows. What are some of the biggest challenges you & your husband face?
We are constantly battling our own individual desires of being healthy enough to live the life we lead for as long as we can, and also feeling comfortable in our own skin. We talk about it often, we give each other permission to be flawed while being each other’s cheerleader.
When you truly love someone for everything they are, you see them from the inside out, so their beautiful soul shines on the outside, and to you they are the most gorgeous thing in the world, but your partner doesn’t always see themselves like that in the mirror. So we always say this: “ I love you no matter what, you will still be my teenage fantasy when your old, fat, and wrinkly, so you don’t have to maintain any beauty standard/ outward appearance for ME. But I want YOU to be happy, so I’m gonna be right here cheering you on in whatever way you need me to while you chase your happiness. We also look out for each other’s bad habits and encourage a healthy lifestyle, because in the most morbidly, adorable and slightly competitive way… neither one of us wants to die first.
What do you find most rewarding about being a tour wifey?
Doing the things I love most, with the person I love most. There is no greater feeling on earth ( and believe me I feel a lot of feelings) than sharing your joy, discovering new things, making magic happen and living out your dreams with your person. Our relationship has survived wars, and famine, and fires and floods. But we are still here. What my great love affair has taught me is to be present and grateful for every moment I get to share with Joe. And I will never compare myself or my relationship to anyone else. Because there is no one else on earth that has walked this path or been in our shoes. Our lives is ours to make the impossible happen. And I think we are doing a bang up job so far.